I'm Estell and I will always be in love with words and paragraphs. Currently, I am somewhere in between transitions.
Basically, this serves as a documentation of sorts of my life, just a fraction of it and not entirely--not that you should read it or something. But if you do, you should know though that this is my blog and I am not my blog and that you are mostly welcome.
unless otherwise stated
Dare
It really is about time.
Each year, there’s something about May. And each and every time, I try telling you goodbye that I’ve lost count of the times I’ve tried to close this book.
I feel it inside me, that our memories are slowly wrapping themselves up, leaving me in peace. And that one day, soon enough, I will understand why I do not need to feel all this anymore.
It really is about time I make room for better things. I’ve always thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me but you left me like a land after a tsunami—devasted, frustrated, barren, ill. But most of all, thirsty for more. I am mad at you at some points, and we don’t get mad to people we love. At least not at you.
So before all this gets worse than it already is, I am letting you go. I am letting that part of me go. I am letting us go. But this entails some time to do my rituals, like a time to really mourn and bury all this, some sort of grand gesture to really make me feel its over. That that was it. That was all of it. I need all my last efforts and energy to consume the ruins. To try again, to feel again, to let my guard down, to hurt again, to cry of some other more sensible reason, to love again.
You were right about attachments. You’ve always been the biggest, heaviest one I got. I am packing up to leave you behind. And that will be ok.
Animal | via Tumblr on We Heart It - http://weheartit.com/entry/56183093/via/nicole363958
Hearted from: http://wordsinthemiddle.tumblr.com/post/36177459235/and-i-wont-be-denied-by-you-the-animal-inside-of
It is not the fear of moving on that scares me it is the fear of never going back.
We’re so far from the people we were then and yet somehow, there is that part of me that will always remember even the slightest scent of the air, how the wind blew, the grass’s height, the shade of the skies and look on your face. As if when I close my eyes hard enough, I’d wake up to those moments and everything will be alright. But that was so long ago and I have to let time do what it does best.
Time makes way for other things to fall together, sometimes better things. At the same time, It takes away everything at all; life, memories, sadness, pain. Time is just a concept though. Perhaps, there’s a reason why the almost-there didn’t make it. You were the chance I never had.
On the same date, some time ago, you said things that defined me growing up. Those were the things I held on for so long. You don’t even remember them.
But here’s what I said that afternoon and I’m saying it again in case you could hear me out. You are special. And I always hope you always know that.
Always remember and never forget. Soon enough, I will not be going back and I too, would be walking a different street.
♡
this is so beautiful.
What you should be doing
On top is probably a film camera. I’ve always liked the idea that it’d take time for you to see what you’ve taken at a certain time. How intricately interesting for things to develop.
But I really have to work on my financial skills and saving up. And I think it would be best together with travels and photo walks and some time to spare.
To gallivanting the globe
This is perhaps, the film that made most sense to me in recent times. Despite the not always best acting portrayal of the actors, the movie would move you especially those who can relate at some points.
It’s also the first time I actually had to roll over and over the credits to list the soundtrack on paper.
“If somebody loves you, they just love you, you know.”
sometimes i think my “like” posts say more about my feelings and me than my very own.
Canon EOS REBEL T1i
Dave to Aubrey : The First Time (2012)
